When I think about my future, and when I mention future I mean my professional working future, I am greeted with a haze of thick fog without any idea of where I am or how I got here. I thought I knew what I was signing up for, but we really never do know what lies ahead for us unless we take a deep dive into it. I’m all for jumping headfirst into an oncoming wave at the beach but in my professional life what if this wave that I’m jumping into is more powerful than I thought it was, dunking me, flinging me, slamming me into the ground only to make me gasp for salty air when my reasons for coming here were to enjoy myself. Am I even supposed to enjoy what I do in the future?
The uncertainty of employment for me is not as much terrifying as it is intriguing. By taking on multiple internships (for free might I add), I find myself in a limbo of wanting to work but not wanting to face the dreaded 9 to 5 that takes too many lives. It may be too much to ask and a little millennial of me to even consider this but I want my professional career to be filled with freedom. Can you imagine a world where work wasn’t on a timed basis? Where time wasn’t the antagonist? Where it isn’t a commodity of our lives? In a world of casualisation I have fallen victim to the antagonist called time, where our abilities and creativity are almost meaningless as we work as a cog in a somewhat well oiled machine. With free reign of creativity and time, freedom becomes an extremely viable option for me. However, along with this freedom comes the wave of uncertainty, with times correlation to money, wealth and class also being an important aspect of life.
I come to a halt and ask myself what I am doing more often than I look at my iphone notifications (trust me, I at least like to think I’m popular), so what do I do to distract myself? Add more commitments to my already tightly wound sack of jobs, internships, uni groups and hobbies. Because if I can do everything, finding a job full of freedom should be easy right? I have yet to find an answer to this question. As a self proclaimed Jack of All Creative Trades but by no means a master of any of them, I feel as though I have wasted my time not fully committing to one thing and becoming the master of it.
I have 6 months left of my education left to figure out how I am going to make a name for myself. I’m not afraid of not finding a job, I’m afraid of not finding a job that will suit my needs, wants and desires. This is naive, selfish and downright millennial of me to think that what I want is what I should get but I can’t see any other way of being in the creative industries. I find myself battling the idea of success and dreaming and wonder to myself why I cannot have both at the same time, does a world like this even exist?
Nothing stands out for me as something that I would get giddy about, no job or opportunity quenches my thirst as of yet, which is why the uncertain route may be the best one to take. When I look back on my projects and content that I have created it makes me happy, when I see that people have enjoyed them it fills me with joy. If you can align a job title to this form of “job” I’ll gladly take it, because I’m sure the job title of uncertainter would not go down very will with future employers.
~ krisesandchrosses ~