Yay Valentines Day is here again.
A day where love is spread across the globe in various forms making all the single people of the world squeamish and ripe with a furious anger. I LOVE seeing couples everywhere confessing their love while I dig into a big tub of vanilla ice-cream and watch RuPaul’s Drag Race. Because the only thing I find even remotely fun anymore is watching people cross dress. Lovely.
I feel like if I wasn’t single I would really enjoy this ‘holiday’ (as some refer to it as) but all I can seem to muster thinking about is ‘Why doesn’t any love story convey the feelings that I feel?’
It has to be more than just presents, sex, going to see the new fifty shades to get some fresh ideas and then more sex right? (lmao I don’t know I’m single, but seriously if anyone isn’t doing anything tonight and wants to see the new fifty shades movie I am free and available *winks* [god I’m a cringe lord]).
So (because I share way too much about the inner workings of my brain and life) I thought I would describe the way I view love! How fascinating! Someone who hasn’t had a lasting relationship describing love, HOW INVIGORATINGLY FASCINATING. Yeah okay, I get it, burn me at the stake when this is over.
HERE WE GOOOOOOO.
It is disguised, camouflaged. A burning feeling mixed with a nervous adrenaline that cannot be contained. Your palms begin to sweat and your heart starts to pound. Your mind says it isn’t right but you still want to edge closer and closer towards them, until you’re there. It is a wooden, rope suspended bridge which is destined to fall if crossed. It sits across a crumbling edge with a decision having to be made at some point. With so much to lose, is Love really worth it. In my case. The real answer is… I have no fucking clue.
It is a phenomena I am all to familiar with, a sensation that never truly gets old. Happiness, euphoria, ecstasy, having the after effects of anxiety, jealousy and worry. But still, it is worth feeling these horrid things if I am able to imagine a glimpse of what it would be like.
It is an aura that surrounds us, engulfs us and is so difficult to pry ourselves from that we may end up truly unhappy. Love. A humans end with possible beginning. It is finding this end and accepting it that leads to new journeys. Expressing and understanding this love is key.
A feeling of heartbreak. Loss. Rebirth. A journey that if taken could result in self destruction… But it’s worth it for those few moments of bliss.
I’ve been in love before. Crossing that raggedy old bridge again is hard, to pull away from the solid earth is difficult. So, I’m jumping from the edge of the cliff. The cold water meets me. A baptism by fire into a new mindset of how I approach this thing we call love. Love. It’s kinda stupid aye.
Okay that was embarrassing bye lol.