First Post of 2017

Been krising and chrossing for 3 months without posting here so I thought I would just check in with y’all and share my New Years Resolutions. New Year, New Me aye.

So it is 2017 and I have yet to make a blog post. Like most of my New Years Resolution’s, they have not started yet as I decided that I would post-pone them for another month (good job Kris). Finally I have ticked off the first one which is that I would continue to keep a steady stream of blog posts coming starting with this one before you. These blog posts which I will be writing are not going to be like the previous ones I have written on this blog. Another one of my resolutions is to be more open with myself, and to do that I’m going to have to share it. One of my biggest problems is not sharing my problems with others, so much so that I just end up being mad and angry at myself. NO MORE PLS.

This year I hope that I am able to finally understand where I want to go and what I want to do because at this moment in time I still have no idea what I want to do and it is honestly scaring the shit out of me. Like, in two years I’m twenty-one, a fully fledged adult and I still have no idea what my major and minor are going to be. I HAVE TROUBLE CHOOSING SUBJECTS BECAUSE I HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES OKAY I STRUGGLE.

That leads me to another point, relationships. I’m not talking about sexual shit a boyfriend or girlfriend but my friends. The relationships that I have had with my ‘close’ friends over the last two years has honestly made me who I am today. I hate it. I am so reliant on them to the point where I am waiting for them to come but I know their not coming. I rely on their support, approval and presence so much that I consider every action that I take in my life and think about how they will react to it, not taking into account… me.

… You see, the thing about this blog is that it is going to help me (I hope) focus on something that isn’t my friends, that isn’t other people but just me. A place where I can escape, vent my emotions and feelings in a safe (well the internet isn’t really safe but oh well) environment.

I guess this is the year that I finally become fully independent without the help of my friends alone…

I try, ….

I put every ounce of myself into my friends, but they don’t do the same for me. Actually writing that hurts. A lot.

So where am I at now?

Who knows!? All I know is, this year is either going to be really shit or shittier than the last, so I better strap myself in for a bumpy ride.

~ Resolutions for this Year ~

  • Become more open with myself.
  • Put myself before others (in some situations).
  • Get Fit (HAHAHAHA).
  • Figure out where I want to go in life.
  • Get a girlfriend or whatever.
  • Make some new friends and keep some old ones.
  • Be happy with where I am at no matter what.